唯独从上头来的智慧，先是清洁，后是和平，温良柔顺，满有怜悯，多结善果。
固执是夫妻双方共有的标准特性，护卫自己的权益和观点是你的本能与人格的一部分。然而在婚姻生活中，它却是有害的。
你让问题变得比你的婚姻和你伴侣的感受更重要，你已经输了这场战争。
如果就长远来看，特别是和永恒相比，有的事情实在很小，那么放弃你的权利，选择敬重你爱的人吧，这将有利于你和你的婚姻。
第12日挑战
选择以在争论中退让的方式来表达你的爱。告诉对方，你将以他的意见为重。
2015.10.25
真的，当我们将问题看得比婚姻和伴侣的感受更重要，当我们就是为了要争一口气，就是要赢得战争，就是要对错分明（特别是要证明自己是对的，对方是错的），我们就已经输了，已经上了魔鬼的当。
因为撒旦就是要破坏婚姻，就是要我们不合一，他见到一点鸡毛蒜皮的小事就能搞到一个家庭鸡犬不宁甚至家破人亡，他在暗地狞笑。
而我们，愚昧的我们，无数次让他得逞。
今天作业我就没法做了。没有争论。没有退让。没有代价。
可，这是一个多么有恩典的Nothing！
晚上我在和凯凯一起看橄榄球赛的时候，Helen来问我有没有吃晚饭。
她用一种挑衅的好战的口吻说（这不像她的性格，所以搞得我很糊涂）：“你要不要吃些健康食物呢？”
我还没有来得及回答，她突然将她的头轻轻侧到一边，展现出少女的甜美微笑，转换到非常柔和的语气说：“你想吃什么就吃什么吧。”
我笑了起来，她也承认了她想完成功课，所以试着挑起一个“假争论”。
在她回答之前，我温柔地笑笑，说:“嗯，算了吧，这次我大方点，让你赢：你是对的，我们不大有争吵。”
我选择什么事情让步？就是关于我们是不是有很多争吵。
这会在将来对我有何帮助？还真难倒我了。要在下次我们有真的争论时再来答这个问题。
THE DARE: Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
Okay, this was pretty much a fail for both of us, because we didn’t have any disagreements all day, which made it hard to complete the assignment.
Very late in the day, while Kai and I were watching the last football game of the day, Helen came in and asked whether I had dinner.
I told her that I hadn’t.
She said, somewhat belligerently (which was quite out of character and somewhat confused me), something like, “Are you going to eat healthy food?” Then, before I could answer, she suddenly switched from the belligerent tone of voice to a very sweet one, put her head a little to one side and smiled girlishly, and said, “Actually, you can eat whatever you want.”
I started laughing, and sure enough she confessed that she was trying to complete the assignment and had had to make up a fake argument. “The problem is,” she told me, “we don’t argue very much.”
“Oh, yes we do,” I said sternly, “we argue all the time!” Then, before she could answer, I smiled gently and said, “No, never mind, I will be generous and let you win: you’re right, we DON’T argue very much.”
And that’s how we completed this day’s dare.
What issue did you choose? The issue of whether or not we argue a lot.
What did giving in cost you? To be honest, nothing at all.
How will this help you in the future? You got me on that one. I’ll just have to keep this dare on hold and complete it the next time we have a real argument.
若是能行，总要尽力与众人和睦。
（罗马书12:18）
