今日挑战：相信上帝所说的话，用于接受基督对我们的救赎。因此勇敢地祷告说：“主耶稣，我是一个罪人，但你为我的罪得赦免而死，你的爱就向我显明了。你也向我证实因你的复活使我脱离死亡。主，求你改变我的心，靠你的恩典，我得救赎。”
2015.11.2
“只要把生命交到他手中，你所有的失败，所有无法成就的事，你任性浪费的每一分钟，都可以被饶恕，重新开始。”旧事已过，一切都是新的了。
也许生命中一直都是很完美，没有任何过错、任何悔恨、没有受到任何伤害、不需要任何安慰的人，就没有办法理解这些字句的力量。但是，十年前，当我认为最重要的家庭支离破碎的时候，听到类似的言语真是无比的安慰。
那一个晴天霹雳将当时的我击沉到黑暗的深渊，可，谁能说挫折、击打、苦难全是坏事呢？起码那些痛苦向我大声疾呼了：
嘿！你不是全能的, 你有所不能!
你不能掌控一切，总会发生意料之外的事!
人口中的爱与山盟海誓是极其有限与荒唐的。
而且你们不知道怎么爱，所以就用爱互相伤害。
你需要学习 ! 需要改变 !!
与我的先生相反，我十年前接受耶稣基督，完全是因为到了生命的一个死角，到了一个任何知识、任何人都帮不到我的境地。所谓人的尽头，神的开头。（如果你还没有走到尽头，却已经看到神的奇妙，千万不要等那个尽头的到来。）
我没有从理性上去学习了解什么是上帝，什么是基督，什么是死而复活，什么叫恩典，什么叫救赎。我只是在自己绝对、一定、必须要被拯救的时候，拯救的的确确发生了，就在我什么都没有弄懂的时候。
当我骨瘦如柴，临风飘飘，被LU介绍去自己小区里的一个家庭。多奇妙，在那里几年了，从来也不知道有那么一个地方，竟然会成为我的“避难所”和“重生地”。
我以前在一篇见证里面写过，“上帝之手”在那时向我伸出。（详见《单亲妈妈心路3：上帝之手》）我听不懂他们讲道中任何属灵的话语，可是当他们唱起那一首赞美诗《除你以外》，我，真是没有文字形容当时的感觉，就像一只大手伸进心里，覆盖在伤口之上，那么温暖。我好像瞬间就知道有人懂我、可以倾诉、可以依靠、可以给我真正永恒的承诺。眼泪从那一刻开始汹涌而出，一直流啊流，流淌了两个月，先是委屈伤心的泪，再是悔恨知罪的泪，再是重生喜悦的泪。
耶稣就那样治好了我的离婚忧郁症，我当然顺理成章变为了基督徒。
这就是我怎么信靠耶稣的简短叙述。
如果你想看很啰嗦的一点也不简短的完整叙述，请戳下面：
虽然我只有十年的信主历程，可是，与那些有80年的、30年历史的一样，我也从来没有后悔过，而且每每想起都很感恩，因为我的整个人生从那以后就不一样啦，上帝所赐给我真是超过我所求所想。
而且，我就像是一个先吃到无比鲜美的桃子的人，总是迫不及待要告诉我的朋友啊家人啊，在那里，就在那不远的地方，有一个超级无敌绿色有机大果园，随便摘，随便吃，果果免费还又好得无比，唾手可得，还等什么呀！
但是呢，有一点要说明，果园的主人不会给我佣金提成什么的，也没有给我任务要做广告哈。我那可爱的哥哥曾经很严肃认真地问我：你那么带劲地跟别人讲上帝好耶稣好，是不是组织上给你们任务了？
哈哈哈哈，笑翻我了，没有啦，只是爱你们，希望你也享受到上好的福气，如此而已，而已啊！
今天我重复挑战中的祷告，依然感动到流泪。
先生：Kenny，60后，美国人，咨询公司主管
今天的挑战包括了信靠耶稣。我已经成为基督徒好久了，只是，有些时候，我期望中的好基督徒的模样，我并没有能够做到。（把耶稣钉上十字架，我也有份，他也为我的罪而死。）Helen不想我分享得太长。我，试试吧。
我从小就在教会长大，在青少年的时候变成了不可知论者，然后在二十岁左右又变回基督徒。好哇！我写得真的很短！
……
…………..
哎，好吧，我想你们还是得忍受我的长篇大论。
我成长在一个非常虔诚地爱上帝的家庭，大概五岁我就受洗了，是浸水礼（舒舒注：就是全身都要浸入水中的那种）。
我的受洗比大多数人的更加激动人心，因为给洗礼池放水的人忘记了我是个小孩子，水的深度超过了我的身高。他们在池子里放了一个洗脚盆，让我站在上面。但是，他们将我浸入水中的时候，我的双脚离开脚盆浮上去了，当我试着站起来的时候没找到那盆，麻烦的是我当时还没有学会游泳。绝大多数的受洗仪式上，你不会看到受洗的人拼命扑打着不想第三次沉入水里的。所以呢，最起码我给了会众更多的娱乐。
在一个有着非常清晰明确的世界观的家庭长大，与很多人一样，当我到了青春期的时候我开始怀疑父母的世界观是否正确。
很明显，对我而言，看上去是千真万确的。不过，对我那个年纪的人来说，绝大多数阿拉伯人看伊斯兰教为真理，泰米尔人看印度教为真理，尼泊尔人看佛教为真理，绝大多数俄国人觉得无神论才是正道。
于是乎，我就成了一个不可知论者，这意味着那时候我不认为自己晓得上帝存在与否。
不过，我还是一直去教堂，表现得像个基督徒，因为我不觉得那样会有什么坏处，还有，我也不想无谓地伤父母的心。
整个青春期我做了大量的学习研究，高中毕业那会儿我想基督教可能是正确的。我所读过的基督教的作品讲得很像那么回事儿，特别是有关耶稣从死里复活的证据；相反，那些反基督教的作家对基督教的攻击，总体来说非常差劲。
从经验证据的角度，基督教比较成功地击败其它宗教。所有存在的世界观里面，在我看来基督教比其它选择更合理。而且，我看到周围我所认识的人都是充满喜乐的，充满爱的，性格很棒的……在奥克拉荷马州的东南部，那里全是非常虔诚地敬奉上帝的人。
但，还是有问题。
问题就是，在奥克拉荷马州，一个人要么是个好基督徒，要么就是有着基本的基督教世界观，但是却太乐于犯罪，不愿停止犯罪，所以不愿意去教会。我甩不掉的一种感觉是：就算我努力做了研究功课，我觉得基督教看上去合理的原因还很有可能是一个乡下孩子不能给其它世界观一个公平的机会。我真是这样想的，我高中毕业之前，还没有遇到一个信犹太教或印度教或佛教的人。
直到我上了普林斯顿大学，我才真有机会认识从各地来的文化宗教背景不一样的人，他们都是好人。
那时我才真正能够学习研究各种宗教和哲学课题，我选各种课程，和不同背景的人交谈，我把自己埋在燧石图书馆(Firestone Library)的书海里。
在普林斯顿大学里，我遇到世界各国来的有着不同宗教的人，我也很喜欢他们当中的一些人。
有很多人非常热切地向我解释为什么基督教很愚蠢很无知，也告诉我科学已经如何如何证明了无神论才是正确的，还有的说我该成为佛教徒，该改信穆斯林，或者追随巴哈伊。
但是，在一个时刻——我想应该是在我读了Elaine Pagel的《诺斯底福音书》之后——我对自己说：“我已经尽我所能给了每个人一个公平的机会，基督教比其它的选择强多了。
不过，这一点都不好玩。
我的意思是，每次我一转身，另一个信奉不可知论的学生就试图说服我去看《诺斯底福音书》，说如果我看了那本书就会知道基督教是谎言。我猜如果还有其它书比Pagel的书更好，他们就不会一直让我去看Pagel的书了。可是，如果这就是他们所能提供的最好的，那就到此为止吧，我不要再继续了。
我觉得我的犹太朋友Debbie是个比我还要好的人。我的穆斯林朋友Zharas和Gulmarzhan可能也比我好，哈萨克斯坦的Aliya也是。还有，尽管我自己不认识达赖Lama，可能他也是个好人，比我好。
我做基督徒，不是因为所有的基督徒都比非基督徒要好（不过我认识的最好的人当中基督徒的比例压倒性盖过其它，比如Helen和我的父母）（舒舒注：我与他父母并驾齐驱，实在太有愧了。尊重他，不删。）我是基督徒，是因为考虑了所有情况之后，我认为基督信仰的确是真理，因为那些经验证据更好地证实了基督教所相信的，而不是其它的世界观。拿撒路人耶稣死里复活是历史上真实发生的，他值得我的信任和忠心。所以，我信靠他。
我确信有很多非基督徒做人比我好很多，但是我能向你保证一件事：
我很清楚如果我没有成为基督徒，我会沦落为哪一种人。少了一个身为不可知论者的Kenny，这个世界清爽多了。其他人就算是不可知论者，也可能同时是个好人。但是，我，如果做一个不可知论者的话，不知道要比做基督徒烂到何种地步。
对我来说，就是这么两个选择了：
1）信基督
2）信不可知论。
如果可以相信证据，那么，基督教的证据完胜其它任何宗教和无神论以及不可知论。
如果不能相信证据，那么，你就不能认识任何事情，不能真正相信任何事情，那，我应该会成为一个坚定的不可知论者了。
我选择相信证据。
我已经快五十岁了，上帝对我非常信实，尽管我没有一直忠心于祂。自从我在新泽西的那个大学校园里决定跟随耶稣做一个基督徒，我从来都没有后悔过。只是，经常后悔没有做到更好。
我还没有侍奉他86年，仅仅从我跟随他近30年的岁月，我很能理解St. Polycarp所说的：“我服侍耶稣86年了，他从没有错待我。”
（舒舒注：Kenny另外有写一篇关于为何持守基督信仰的文章，请看这里
《我持守信仰并不为了从上帝那里讨要任何东西 ：一位美国基督徒的自述》
Today’s dare involved trusting Jesus. Obviously, I have been a Christian a long time, though not nearly as good a Christian sometimes as I wish I were. (I’ve driven my share of nails into the Cross.) Helen wanted me to keep my share not too long. So I will…try.
I grew up in church, became an agnostic as a teenager, and then went back to being a Christian in my late teens/early twenties. Hooray! I kept it short!
(sigh) Oh well, I guess you guys are stuck with the long version.
I grew up in a very godly family and was baptized when I was I think five years old, by immersion. It was a more exciting baptism than most because the guy who filled the baptistry forgot I was a little kid and filled it deeper than I was tall. So they put a washtub under my feet for me to stand on, but when they dunked me, my feet came up off the washtub and I missed it.
when I tried to stand back up, which was a problem since I hadn’t yet learned how to swim. Most baptisms don’t end with the honoree flailing around trying not to go down for the third time, so at least I provided the congregation with more entertainment than does the average convert.
But like a lot of people who are raised in a household with a clearly defined worldview, as I reached adolescence I started doubting whether my parents’ worldview was true. Obviously, it SEEMED true to me; but then Islam obviously seemed true to most Arabs my age and Hinduism seemed true to most Tamils my age and Buddhism seemed true to most Nepalis my age and atheism seemed true to most Russians my age. So I became an agnostic, which in my case really did mean that I didn’t think I knew whether God existed or not. (Though I kept going to church and acting like a Christian because I didn’t think it would do any harm and I didn’t see any point in hurting my parents’ feelings unnecessarily.)
I did a lot of research throughout my adolescent years, and by the time I graduated from high school I thought Christianity was probably true. The Christian authors I had read had made a very good case, especially with regard to the empirical evidence that Jesus really did rise from the dead, and the anti-Christian authors had by and large been most unimpressive in their attacks.
And on the ground of empirical evidence, Christianity pretty well spanked other religions. Of the available worldviews, then, Christianity seemed to me to make a much better case to the rational mind than any alternatives. Furthermore, when I looked around at all the people I know, there were some who were full of joy and peace and love and character…and in southeast Oklahoma, all of those people were devout and serious and godly Christians.
And yet…the problem was, in Oklahoma, EVERYBODY was either a good Christian or somebody who basically had a Christian worldview but liked sinning too much to be willing to stop sinning and go to church.
I couldn’t really shake the feeling that, even though I had tried to do my homework, it could be that Christianity still only seemed reasonable because a southeastern Oklahoma hillbilly boy couldn’t really give other worldviews a fair shot. (I think it is literally true that I graduated from high school without ever meeting a Jewish person or a Hindu or a practicing Buddhist of any variety.)
It wasn’t until I got to Princeton University that I felt like I really had the opportunity to get to know good people from other cultures and religions, and to study and research religious and philosophical questions by taking courses and by talking to people with other backgrounds and by burying myself in the endless bookshelves of Firestone Library.
At Princeton, I did meet a lot of people from other countries and religions, and I liked many of them very much. And there were a lot of people who were eager to explain to me why Christians were stupid and ignorant and how science had proved that atheism was true, and others who were happy to explain to me why I should be a Buddhist, or a Muslim, or an adherent of Bahá’í.
But at some point — I believe it was after reading Elaine Pagels’s execrable book The Gnostic Gospels — I found myself saying, “You know what, I have done my best to give everybody a fair shot, and the Christian case is so much stronger than the alternatives it’s not even funny. I mean, every time I turn around another agnostic undergraduate is assuring me that if I just read The Gnostic Gospels I’ll understand that Christianity is bogus. And I assume that if there were other books that made a better case than Pagels does, people wouldn’t keep pointing me to Pagels — but if THAT’s the best agnosticism has to offer, then that’s it, I’m done.”
My Jewish friend Debbie is a better person than I am, I think. I think the same thing is probably true of my Muslim friends Zharas and Gulmarzhan and Aliya back in Kazakhstan, and though I don’t know him personally, I figure the Dalai Lama is probably nicer than I am. I’m not a Christian because Christians are all better people than non-Christians (though the best people I’ve ever known have overwhelmingly been Christians — Helen, for example, and my parents, among others).
I’m a Christian because I believe, at the end of the day, that Christianity is actually true; that the empirical evidence fits Christianity better than it fits any competing worldviews. I think it is literally, historically true that Jesus of Nazareth really did rise from the dead, and that He deserves my trust and my allegiance. So I have put my faith in Him.
And while I am sure that there are many non-Christians who are nicer people than I am, I can promise you one thing: I know what kind of person I would have become if I had NOT wound up a Christian, and the world is a whole lot better off because nobody has to deal with Agnostic Kenny. Other people can be agnostic and nice at the same time; but I myself am an immeasurably better person as a Christian than I would be as an agnostic– and for me, Christianity and agnosticism are the only two choices. If evidence can be trusted, then Christianity wins on the evidence, above all other religions and above atheism and agnosticism as well. If evidence CAN’T be trusted…well, then you can’t know anything, and you can’t really believe anything, and that would land me firmly in agnosticism. I chose to believe in the evidence.
I’m almost fifty now. God has been faithful to me, though I have not always been faithful to Him. Since I made up my mind for good there on that university campus in New Jersey, I have never regretted being a Christian, though I have often regretted not being a very good one. I haven’t served Him 86 years yet, but I have served Him close to thirty years now, and I know exactly what St. Polycarp was talking about when he said, “Eighty-six years have I served Jesus, and He has done me no wrong.”
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