我们若说自己无罪，便是自欺，真理不在我们心里了。
（约翰一书1:8）
2015.11.8
“爱会承担责任，愿意谦卑地在第一时间承认自己的过错并且悔改。”
非常同意这一句话。最怕就是那些死不认错的人。
婚姻中的问题，绝大多数都是属于一个巴掌拍不响的类型，每个人都有自己的错要改正，每个人都有自己的罪要对付。
所以真爱不仅要原谅对方，也要勇于为自己的错误道歉。
不借口推脱，有错就认，认完就改，我与先生一直是这样相处的。而且，我们好像都会认错过度，有点什么事都会说是自己的错。大概，这也是我们难以吵架的原因吧。想象一下，如果我们不说“都是我的错，我的错”，换成“都是你的错！你的错！”，那就会变成大吵三六九，小吵天天有。
及时虚心认错，这一点，我是从先生那里学来的。他是一个很谦卑的人（他说以前他也很狂妄自大，还好那时候我不认识他，我最讨厌狂妄的人），也知道自己的弱点，由于自己而给别人带来麻烦的时候，总是认错。所以我也就不觉得认错是件大不了的事。如果饭烧晚啦，车位停得不好让他进不来车库啦，这些都会及时真诚道歉，并且努力改正。
今天没看到功课内容之前，我已经不知不觉完成了功课：诚挚道歉，请求原谅。
清晨五点半的时候，我没起床，他出门之前来拥抱了我一下说再见，其实以前也经常这样的，只是我这几天夜里睡觉少，可能就有了睡气，我明明是在半清醒状态，却又很清醒地责备了他：“Hey，你以后不用跟我说再见啦，你蹑手蹑脚穿衣服，最后要走了，又把我吵醒了，不是前面的努力都白费了？”他说：“我好像不跟你说一下，一天就没有一个好的开始呢。哎，不过，好吧，我知道了。没关系，我的感情没有受伤。”他边说边轻轻关上门，走了。
我听他最后一句话，有些自责，那就是有一点点受伤嘛，还说没有。
哎，你看，这个爱的功课不是刚做过，我还下决心要每天起来做早饭、送他出门、为他的一天祷告呢。才过了几天，又忘脑后了。他跟我道声再见都觉得是一天好的开始，如果我每天那样做，他真的是会很开心呀。
上午就发了短信给他道歉，我说我那会儿还迷糊着，睡气使然。他说自己考虑欠周到，我是对的。之后就他说他错，我说我错，几个来回后，我认输。
我想，让他知道我不只是说说而已的最好办法，就是我当真天天五点起床，呜呜。
先生：Kenny，60后，美国人，咨询公司主管
今天的挑战是我和Helen从结婚以来一直在做的事。所以，目前又没有什么未解决的问题需要认错。我想我就来分享几件我之前需要认错并改正的事儿：
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我忘性特别大，不过有时候“健忘”也就是“考虑不周”的代名词。
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还有，很明显，我一直工作太多。
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特别难为情的是，我到现在普通话还不流利。我想我的太太和岳父母对这一点特别失望，因为其实我是比较擅长学习语言的。只是因为Helen英文好，我不会中文也没关系，所以就懒惰了。我确实应该认认真真地学了。
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还有一件很糟的事情是，我总不记得钱花到哪里去了。这对Helen特别不公平，因为她总是那么努力地省钱。
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最大的一件事就是我容易过度地帮助我的一些孩子，以至于可能没有真正帮到他们，反而助长了一些坏行为坏决定。我那样其实伤害了每一个人，包括Helen和凯凯还有其他的孩子。Helen跟我说这些的时候是需要一些勇气的，我听的时候也不太舒服。但是因为我听进去了，现在我是一个更好的父亲了。
This day’s assignment is something that Helen and I have done all our married life. So there isn’t a lot outstanding at the moment. I think therefore that I should share some of the things I have had to confess and work on in the past. I am very air-headed, but sometimes air-headedness is just another name for simple thoughtlessness. And, obviously, I have tended to work too much in the past.
It is particularly embarrassing that I have not yet become fluent in 普通话. I think this is particularly disappointing for my wife and parents-in-law because I am actually good at languages, and simply have been lazy because Helen’s English is so good I can get away with not knowing Chinese. I really should buckle down and learn it.
It’s also very frustrating that I have so much trouble keeping track of where I spend money — and this is particularly unfair to Helen because she works so hard to save it. It’s one thing to make a conscious decision to spend some money because you’ve decided it’s worth it. But I will start the week with $50 cash and a couple of days later there will only be $10, and when I try to remember what I spent it on I will have no idea. (Up until now I think most of Helen’s readers have liked me from afar, but now that I’ve admitted to THAT, I suspect I instantly went to having zero friends in China. This is one way in which I absolutely grant that Chinese are far superior to Americans in general and to me in particular. It is frustrating and embarrassing to me and I have no idea how Helen puts up with it.)
The biggest thing, however, is that, as I have mentioned before, I was inclined to help my children too much, to the point where I was enabling bad behavior and bad decisions rather than actually helping them. And that was hurting everybody, including Helen and Kai as well as the other kids. It took some bravery for Helen to talk to me about that, and it was not easy to hear it. But I am a much better father now because I did.
